your flaws don't make you beautiful
Well Being

YOUR FLAWS DON’T MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL

We’ve heard many inspirational quotes or speakers say that you should accept your flaws and that your flaws make you beautiful.
As much as this is something that was meant to encourage people to accept themselves for who they are and to love themselves no matter what; this quote is actually doing more harm than good. This quote has encouraged complacency in the aspect of self awareness, self development and self growth. It encourages people to accept their destructive character traits as who they are and refuse to work on themselves.

There is nothing wrong with encouraging people to love themselves, in fact the number one way to learn to receive and give love is to first learn to give love to yourself and to receive love from yourself. And part of loving on yourself is learning to be honest with yourself but you can never be truly honest with yourself if you are not self aware.

Character flaws and the flaw of thinking that your flaws make you beautiful

This blanket statement that your flaws make you beautiful is a dangerous one because anything can be a flaw. What if my flaw is an urge to bully people and put them down because of the insecurities I have within myself? Will this flaw make me beautiful? Will it be fair to ask that someone loves me with this flaw with no effort on my part to change and improve myself?

We all want someone to love us no matter what, we want someone to love us despite who we are and what we do. As great and awesome as that is, there are somethings that we cannot escape. Some character “flaws” (some flaws are general and others are specific to the people involved) are harmful to self and others. Accepting yourself for who you are involves telling yourself the truth and also working to become a better person.

If I have a bad temper that almost always leads me to harm the people around me, this attribute of mine will drive people away from me, even the ones who truly love me. Having a temper doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve love. Having a temper is something that will turn me into a person who is hard to love and a person who may be harmful to others in the society.

In a case like this, it will be inaccurate and wicked of me to tell you that “your flaws make you beautiful”. This type of flaw is something that should be worked on to transform you into a more beautiful person. The person who has dealt with their issues with anger and developed the strength to control it, has the tools to handle certain situations better than a person who has never had to deal with issues regarding intense anger until they suddenly have to.

The journey of life is not full if it does not contain self-discovery and self-growth. If you are not growing as a person, then you are regressing.

A flaw is a flaw, it can never be beautiful

Let me assume that the flaw refered to in this case is that of physical attributes, physical attributes given to us by nature. It is said by many that those “flaws” make us beautiful because they are what make us unique.

According to the dictionary, a flaw is a mark, blemish, or other imperfection which mars a substance or object. It is also defined as an action that mars, weakens, or invalidates something.

A flaw is a fault in something, it is something that is not wanted or liked in comparison to others or where it is supposed to be. Considering the definitions above, how does something described with such unpleasant words be beautiful? Before you throw stones at me, let me tell you a story to explain my point.

I am an African woman with mostly African facial features and some features more African than others, my lips… my lips are fuller than those of a typical African woman. When I was a kid, my lips where my biggest flaw or so I believed; I hated my lips. Looking back at old pictures, my lips where not bad looking. Some people thought they were too big and others thought they were lovely. I never listened to those who complemented them and there was nothing good anyone could say about my lips to make me like them at the time. I hated my lips and prayed to god to change them.

Your flaws can become beautiful

Read the above sentence again. Your flaws can become beautiful, I didn’t say that your flaws make you beautiful. It is pertinent for you to understand that you are beautiful no matter what; beauty has nothing to do with the way you look or feel but all about your concept of self. If you believe you are beautiful then you are beautiful but if you believe the opposite is true; then there is nothing anyone will tell you to make you believe other wise until you decide to believe it on your own and make it your self concept.

Your flaws can become beautiful? How? You might ask. When you stop seeing it as a flaw.
I looked at myself in the mirror one day and decided that my lips where beautiful no matter what, because I was tired of hating on them; frankly, I was tired of hating on myself but that is a story for another day. I still felt like there weren’t beautiful but I refused to believe it. Instead I continued to tell myself that I have beautiful lips until I believed it and one day; I looked in the mirror and truly saw a set of beautiful lips on my face (my lips didn’t change, it was the way I saw them that changed).

It took time and commitment but I refused to give in to the hateful voice that tried to count my so-called “flaws”. And not until I stopped seeing my lips as a flaw did they become beautiful. Are they people who hate my lips and think that they are too big? Yes? Do I care to even listen to them now? Absolutely not! Because I don’t believe them. What do I do when someone tells me that my lips are too big? I laugh and apply red lipstick.

I stopped seeing my lips as a flaw and that is why they now make me beautiful

Your physical flaws can make you beautiful but that can only happen when you stop seeing them as flaws. It is unreasonable to expect something that you refer to as a flaw to make you beautiful. It’s like expecting a fool to do and say wise things; you will be disappointed. A flaw is a flaw, don’t expect beauty from it; if you want beauty then stop referring to it as a flaw, call it what you want it to be. BEAUTIFUL!

Featured Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

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